I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
