I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
