I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize