tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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