he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm at about main and main street
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
50% drunk capacity currently
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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