a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
