just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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