It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
