yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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