I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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