I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
