I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
