When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
