so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize