Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
