I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
