someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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