So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize