Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
