Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
