Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
