My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
