I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
