I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
