Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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