what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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