Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
