she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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