There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
