I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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