I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
