it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
