So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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