I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
