It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
this boner is exhausting
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
