the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
