Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
