I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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