Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
