U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
