we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize