Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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