CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
