And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
