so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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