i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
