I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize