I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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