your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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