I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
