I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
