you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
FUCK WHALES
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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