got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
