Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
another moral hangover. fuck.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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