Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
