Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Pants are for mortals
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