so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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