His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
