Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
honey bunches of taint.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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