Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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