We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
