as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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