It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
