Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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