I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
