my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
