she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
