I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
